Cult director Charles Band brings you this "Last Tango in Paris" spoof with editing by acclaimed filmmaker John Carpenter.

A murderous gang of mysterious creepy killers mark a young heiress for death. They are led by a ghostly voice known only as the "The Mystery Mind."

Babe, a lonely servant girl in California, puts a "husband wanted" ad in the newspaper...

Young Martha Redmond, a poor girl from a small town, leaves to find a singing career in New York City. She doesn't find success as a singer, but finds a job as a model for a prominent artist, and soon becomes his mistress. When her lover throws her over to marry the daughter of a wealthy man, she becomes a "fallen women", a plaything for wealthy playboys. She meets Barrett, a millionaire's son, and begins to wonder if she might have a future with him, but it seems like he'll turn out to be just like "all the others".

Upon learning that the parents of "Little Red" have died, the cowboys of Colonel Ferdinand Aliso's ranch adopt the boy. Parson Jones and his church committee protest that the child should be brought up in more refined surroundings, but the cowboys, particularly Duck Sing, Aliso's Chinese cook, are so enamored of Little Red that they donate their poker money to the church to placate the congregation. After Little Red catches pneumonia and nearly dies, however, Dr. Kirk insists that the boy either live with the minister or acquire a mother through the marriage of one of the cowboys. While Little Red is recuperating at the parson's home, ranch hand Tom Gilroy courts the only marriageable women in town -- a widow and two spinsters -- but much to his relief, they all turn him down. In the end, Duck Sing and the colonel join forces and legally adopt him.

Yvette, known as a society woman, but in reality a leader of a gang of crooks, sits at the telephone, laughing at the impulsive young man at the other end. Yvette still laughs when Ralph threatens to kill himself if she does not promise to marry him.

Phil and Pete compete for Mary's love and also in a contest for best song written by a college student.

Joanna Manners is a flapper with a million-dollar figure, million-dollar looks, and a million dollars in cash. She falls in love with John Wilmore, a gut who hasn't got a dime nor a pot to put it in if he had a dime. There are those who object. Especially, the crowd of gold-digging gigolos and hustlers she knows.

Olympe is a cabaret dancer who offers her services to France when her country goes to war. She becomes a spy and provides valuable intelligence information during World War I by winning the confidence of a German officer. Hugh Warren is the American soldier who falls for Olympe. She allows him to believe she is a simple peasant and reveals nothing of her career as a spy. The two fall in love and are married, but the villainous German agent De Montinrich reveals to her husband's family that she is a tawdry club dancer. Unable to reveal her role in espionage, Olympe is ostracized by her friends and family. When the French government honors Olympe for her wartime bravery, her family no longer considers her a blemish on their sterling reputation.

Perryam is going through a round of bad luck; he is thrown out of school and loses at love. In search of a change, he heads for London, where he meets Audrey Nye, a former jazz baby who has gotten a responsible job on a newspaper. She helps Perryam get hired as a reporter.

Richard Castleman, master of Winnecrest Hall in Louisiana, goes on a sea voyage recommended by his cousin and physician, Harry Chilton, who thereupon begins romancing Castleman's fiancée, Jeanne Lamont. When word arrives of Castleman's death, Chilton prepares to usurp the fortune and property of the dead man. Danny Rowland, who is found wounded by two wandering crooks, Dominie and The Squirrel, opportunely arrives at the estate seeking food and rest; and because of his resemblance to Castleman, he is welcomed as the master. Dominie is introduced as an English cleric and The Squirrel as an Italian count, while Danny falls in love with Jeanne, who believes him to be her fiancé. Chilton, however, suspects the trio and finally unmasks them. It then develops that Danny actually is Castleman, who had decided to reform the two men who befriended him and to expose the dishonesty of his cousin.

When, on a prank, shimmy dancer Marcia Meadows visits bookworm Horace Tarbox in his Yale dormitory, Horace falls madly in love and follows her to New York where he and Marcia marry. Denounced by his wealthy father, Horace attempts to support Marcia through his writing, but all his manuscripts are rejected, and he is fired from every job.

Julian Ramos is a fisherman in the Canary Islands. As the guardian of his hotheaded younger brother Charles, Julian regards it as his duty to protect the boy from women -- and vice versa. When Charles begins pitching woo at aristocratic Amy, Julian runs interference by pretending to be in love with the girl himself. As time passes, of course, he stops pretending.

Poverty forces Helen Shirley, a country lass, into New York in search of a living. Shy and unsophisticated, Helen falls an easy victim of the notorious band which preys upon young girls and she is easily induced to go to a boarding house which is in reality the headquarters of the gang.

The statue of Niobe comes to life through the dream of a hen-pecked old man.

Financial troubles force Nell Carroll, a thoroughbred, to seek employment in a detective agency which has just taken up the trail of a very baffling jewelry robbery in an exclusive summer colony. In order to work from the inside, she is sent to the place as the Baroness Du Vassey.

Franti, an organ grinder of the poor districts of New York, has a daughter, Isola, who sings to his street piano's accompaniment.

Three friends meet a woman on their holiday from city life. Things turn ugly pretty fast.

While on a "slumming" excursion, debutante Bobbie Walsh (Viola Dana) falls in love with tenement-district doctor Thornton (Allan Simpson). Not wishing to scare the doctor off, Bobbie doesn't tell him that she's the wealthy daughter of a prominent senator. But when Dr. Thornton ends up in night court after punching out a pair of would-be mashers, Bobbie is forced to reveal her true identity. The expected resentments arise, leading to the inevitable reconciliation. Star Viola Dana's final film.

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