Heart Eyes
Reviews
Chris Sawin
In Heart Eyes, the Heart Eyes Killer or HEK has been at large for two years. HEK generally targets couples in love but will kill anyone just because. As HEK shows up in a town that has the biggest boner in existence for the romantic holiday, Ally (Olivia Holt) realizes that her marketing career may be over. Ally has created an entire ad campaign for jewelry revolving around romantic couples dying and the company she works for is scrambling to create something new last minute. They call in a freelancer named Jay (Mason Gooding) to brainstorm something that will save the campaign and the company. Ally, who not so secretly hates her job, is obsessed with her ex-boyfriend who is constantly posting on social media about his new love interest. Ally is overwhelmingly bitter over the concept of love while Jay is the opposite and is a complete sucker for falling head over heels for a soulmate. Ally believes that Jay wants to take her job, but the two begin to show interest in one another which puts them right into the swinging distance of the machete slashing and crossbow slinging HEK. From director Josh Ruben (Werewolves Within) and writers Phillip Murphy (Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard), Christopher Landon (Freaky, Happy Death Day 2U), and Michael Kennedy (It’s a Wonderful Knife), Heart Eyes is probably the dumbest concept for a recent slasher film but cashes in on Valentine’s Day for the horror genre. The slasher film begins with a couple attempting to have the perfect proposal. HEK brutalizes them with arrows and a compression chamber that squeezes until the victim inside is a gooey squish. Apart from the mask, HEK dons an all-leather outfit and the loudest black boots the world has ever heard. The camera also seems to hover around HEK’s crotch like it doesn’t want to show its face even though they’re always wearing a mask. Heart Eyes is a romantic comedy caterpillar cocooned within a slasher film. The film feels like a romantic movie parody since it is consistently pointing out its ridiculousness. The humor comes off as extremely meta since the film feels like a mockery of someone watching the film rather than taking part in it. After the Happy Death Day films, Freaky, It’s a Wonderful Knife, and even Amazon Prime’s Totally Killer, there’s this genre of slasher comedies that now all feel the same and Heart Eyes is in the same group. It’s partially because it’s the same people working on the majority of these films, but none of them capture the same goofy magic that Happy Death Day or Freaky did. The more these types of slashers are released the more it seems like Freaky was entertaining because of Vince Vaughn’s performance rather than the actual script of the film. Heart Eyes is a horror film that knows it’s dumb and completely plays into it. After the film’s opening, the film spends the next thirty minutes diving in to Ally’s drama at work and her possible chemistry with Jay. There’s some great imagery in the film especially with the sequence on the carousel and the drive-in. But every kill and every promising endeavor results in this sequence of stupidity that mostly doesn’t work. Ally and Jay take refuge in an unlocked van at the drive-in. They attempt to have a serious conversation while a stoned-out couple has loud sex in the back. The sex scene culminates with a kill sequence that Jason Voorhees would approve of. Then there’s a beheading in the film that is so wonderfully slimy, goopy, and dripping with exceptional practical effects. It’s so odd because Heart Eyes feels like a hornier version of Friday the 13th without any gratuitous nudity, which is one of the elements that made horror films from the 80s so memorable. Apart from romantic couples being the main target of the killer in Heart Eyes, the main tagline is that everyone has a kink or a fetish. But nothing in Heart Eyes is that kinky or revealing apart from the kills, which are legitimately the only redeeming aspect of the film. R-rated movies and mainstream horror in general have shifted away from graphic sex scenes and nudity in recent years, and there are several reasons for that. But it seems unusual to have a film take place on what is considered the most romantic holiday of the year for most and be R-rated and not even tease something sensual apart from loud dirty talk. Heart Eyes is a clumsy horror film that is so dumb that it stumbles into accidental amusement from time to time. Some inventive kills are nearly ruined by a half-ass plot that points out how convoluted it is every chance it gets and a killer reveal that’s about as satisfying as waking up at the bottom of a greasy flesh pile at an orgy you didn’t consent to.
CinemaSerf
With the eponymous killer having had some success in previous years despatching nauseatingly loved-up couples on Valentine’s Day in quite spectacular fashion, the city is nervously gearing up for this year’s event. It’s especially nerve-wracking for “Ally” (Olivia Holt) who has been involved in a marketing campaign at work that she just knows her boss is going to loathe! Add to this nervousness a rather Laurel and Hardy style of start to her day in the coffee shop with an handsome stranger and, well, “Ally” is ready for a bad day. Imagine her chagrin, then, when boss “Crystal” (Michaela Watkins) introduces the man she’s brought in to salvage things. Yep, it’s no less than “Jay” (Mason Gooding) with whom she had her earlier altercation. He’s smart, suave and she thinks he wants her job… Meantime, the media are in full panic mode after it discovers that the killer has found a delicious new use for a wine press! “Jay” thinks that a dinner might break the ice between the pair, but all that does it get them onto the radar of the dastardly assassin who promptly turns his attention on them. Despite their repeated protestations that they barely know each other, they appear to be doomed! I really quite enjoyed this, not least because it doesn’t try to take itself at all seriously and at times reminded me of an episode of “Scooby Do” morphed into “Halloween”. There’s a decent amount of sarcasm contained in the script, a soupçon of chemistry between the two leads and a denouement that just yells sequel at you in a not very scary voice! I don’t know if it is supposed to be a spoof, per se, but there are some scenes in a drive-in cinema that do suggest it’s tongue is in it’s cheek before she finds an ingenious new use for a recyclable drinks straw. It’s meant to be a bit of a fun poke at the ridiculously cheesy nature of Valentine’s Day and if you don’t guess who is doing what after half an hour, then go to the bottom of the class!
Movie Recommendation
Raising Cain1992-08-07Child psychologist Carter Nix is a loving and caring family man, but under this appearance lies a dark and troubled past. Grappling with the consequences of this past on his own psyche and the influence of his returning father and violent brother Cain, Carter becomes involved in a series of murders and kidnappings. Meanwhile, his wife Jenny rekindles an old love affair, placing herself in the crosshairs of her increasingly unstable husband.More...
Inheritance2025-01-24When Maya learns her father Sam was once a spy, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an international conspiracy. As she seeks answers, Maya herself becomes a target and must quickly learn the skills of her father.More...
Alone2025-01-10A woman’s abusive partner dies suddenly during a seemingly ordinary dinner at home. Paramedics tell her they cannot remove the body for 48 hours due to overcrowding in local morgues. So, the body of the man is confined to their guest room which is then sealed. Yet, despite this, due to the nature of their relationship, the situation takes a severe toll on her and she suffers from being so alone in this situation. Now, locked up with the corpse of her tormentor for two days, she will have to face her fears, frustrations and worst demons…More...
The Case of the Scorpion's Tail1971-08-16After her husband dies in a freak plane accident, a woman leaves London for Athens to collect his generous life insurance policy. She soon discovers that others besides herself are keen to get their hands on the money - and are willing to kill for it. Meanwhile, a private investigator arrives to investigate irregularities in the claim, teaming up with a beautiful reporter.More...
NightMare2022-10-22A woman is plagued by constant nightmares after moving into a large, suspiciously cheap apartment. The apartment’s terrible secret soon reveals itself through her dreams.More...
Right in Front of Me2021-04-17Carly gets a second chance at romance with her college crush but isn’t sure how to impress him until her new friend Nick starts giving her advice. Soon she learns who the right man for her really is.More...
Switchblade Sisters1975-01-05The leader of an inner city girl gang is challenged when a new girl moves into the neighborhood.More...
Open Graves2009-09-19One day, Jason finds an unusual board game called Mamba. When his surfer friends start to play, the games unleashes its deadly curse, killing the losers in a gruesome fashion. Supposedly it will grant the winner a wish. As his companions die off, Jason decides that the only way he can reverse the tragedy is by continuing to play. With his girlfriend, Erica, Jason rolls the dice and hopes to make his wish before one of them suffers a horrible fate.More...
Bogieville2024-08-25A young couple on the run come across a derelict trailer park called Bogieville. Convinced to stay by the sinister caretaker, they soon learn that he is a guardian to the Bogievillians, a pack of vampires.More...
Jackass Shark Week2021-07-11Johnny Knoxville sends Steve-O, Chris Pontius, and new Jackass cast members on a Shark Week mission for the ages. They'll dial up a series of shark stunts that test their bravery and threshold of pain as they put common shark myths to the test.More...
A Wounded Fawn2022-06-11A local museum curator who is dipping her toe back into the dating pool is targeted by a charming serial killer. When a fateful romantic getaway between the two becomes a tense game of cat and mouse, both must confront the madness within him.More...
Passionless Moments1983-12-31A series of the awkward trials of everyday living.More...
Torture Ship1939-10-28A mad scientist uses captured criminals as experiments for his study on "the criminal mind" aboard his private ship.More...
The Firebird2025-03-20An actress and theater dancer flies to India to find her mother, who once abandoned her and joined a certain sect. Soon she no longer understands whether what she sees is happening in India or whether it is the scenery inside her native theater. Masks, dolls, songs - does this happen in a small town square or on one of the venues in St. Petersburg?More...
9 Windows2024-10-15After a tragic accident kills her parents, Liza, unable to walk, spends her days terrorizing vloggers. When she witnesses a murder online, the police dismisses it as a hoax, and it's up to Liza to find the killer.More...
East Hell2017-11-18Two teenage goths try to summon a demon using a satanic ritual they found on Reddit.More...
Trae Crowder: Trash Daddy2025-03-13In this new comedy special, rural Tennessee's Trae Crowder brings his uniquely erudite-yet-trailer'y perspective to life, fatherhood, and America in the 2020s. From his experience as a displaced hillbilly in Hollywood to the love-hate relationship rednecks have with aliens, and everything in between, Trae promises to make you laugh...and not just at how he talks.More...
Popeye's Revenge2025-02-12The legend of Popeye haunts a group of counsellors as they intend to open a summer camp.More...
Nightmare2025-03-13After moving into her family's abandoned house, horror comic artist Ilmira struggles to complete her latest work while battling financial hardship. But when eerie figures from her past stories come to life—especially the haunting Hooded Woman—her reality spirals into a nightmare, forcing her to confront a buried childhood trauma.More...
Rumours2024-07-01En route to the annual G7 summit, the seven leaders of the world’s wealthiest liberal democracies get lost in the woods and face increasing peril while attempting to draft a provisional statement regarding a global crisis.More...
Similar Movies
Go to Hell!!
1997-04-16Based on the premise that "God" is actually an alien called G.D., who wiped out the dinosaurs and populated the Earth with apes from his own planet (who eventually evolve into us). "The Devil" is actually his son, "Little Red", who disagrees with what he is doing and pops up throughout history trying to upset G.D.'s plans.Hero and the Terror
1988-08-26Danny O'Brien is back in action fighting the notorious Simon Moon, also known as The Terror. Three years earlier O'Brien had single-handedly captured The Terror and was called Hero by the people of L.A. Now Simon has escaped and has started killing women again, and O'Brien is the only man who can stop him.Window Shopping
1997-01-01A marriage proposal prompts Carolina to recall three previous relationships as she wanders through Manhattan.Psycho Therapy: The S...
2025-04-04A struggling writer in the midst of a divorce befriends a retired serial killer who incidentally becomes his marriage counselor by day, and killing counselor for his next book by night.Camping 2
2010-04-21Jean-Pierre Savelli is a forty-something employee of an insurance company in Clermont-Ferrand who finds himself facing a mid-life crisis. When his fiancée Valérie decides to put their relationship on hold, he changes his holiday plans and heads for the Flots Bleus camping site near Arcachon. Jean-Pierre had been hoping for peace and calm. Instead he meets Patrick Chirac and his entourage of inveterate holidaymakers...Zookeeper
2011-07-06Kindhearted Griffin Keyes is one of the best-loved caretakers at the Franklin Park Zoo, but he's more comfortable with the animals than with females of his own species as proven by his failed marriage proposal to the self-absorbed Stephanie several years ago. The animals have listened to Griffin pine over her for years and, after she reappears in his life, they decide to help Griffin rekindle the relationship and become the alpha male she wants him to be. They inadvertently reveal their secret ability to talk and, after Griffin's initial shock, teach him the rules of courtship, animal-style. Surprisingly, the animals' advice really works and Griffin is about to get everything he's ever dreamed of--or is he?Fade to Black
1980-10-14A shy, lonely film buff embarks on a killing spree against those who browbeat and betray him, all the while stalking his idol, a Marilyn Monroe lookalike.Breeders
1986-05-02An otherwordly perpetrator has been attacking female virgins in Manhattan. As Dr. Pace and Detective Andriotti work together to identify the strange organic materials found on the women, the victims begin arising in a trance and leaving the hospital.Cheerleader Camp
1988-06-01A cheerleader named Alison is plagued by nightmares about the upcoming all-state finals and attends a summer training camp with her teammates. When a number of deaths start occurring at the camp, Alison's nightmares turn twisted and brutal, and she begins to believe that she may be responsible for the mayhem.Don't Answer the Phon...
1980-02-29A Vietnam veteran that spends his days photographing pretty girls, and his nights strangling them, sets sights on the patients of a radio psychiatrist.Fantom Kiler
1998-12-01Fantasy and reality become blurred as a misogynistic, masked killer ritually stalks and kills beautiful women who he has encountered previously.Kolobos
1999-09-28Five young individuals agree to live in an isolated lodge together and have their daily activities filmed. But soon the house is locked down and they each run into the murderous clutches of a faceless serial killer who may not be working alone.The Red Queen Kills S...
1972-08-18After the death of their grandfather, two sisters inherit their family castle, which is said to be haunted by the Red Queen, whom legend says claims seven lives every hundred years. When a mysterious woman in a red cloak starts targeting their circle of friends, the sisters begin to suspect there might be some truth to the legend.My Dead Ones
2018-11-22Behind the looks of a shy film student, Davi hides an obscure past that is about to be revealed.Atrocious
2018-10-26After they're arrested, the horrific crimes of two serial killers are revealed via confiscated videotapes. These tapes contain brutal murders displaying pure human wickedness, the background, paraphilias and psyche of these murderers.Lenore, the Cute Litt...
2002-09-11A series of 2-4 minute shorts. All films begin with a line from Edgar Allan Poe's Lenore: "A dirge for her the doubly dead in that she died so young". "Dirge" also happens to be the pseudonymous surname of Lenore's creator.Deranged
1974-02-02A man living in rural Wisconsin takes care of his bed-ridden mother, who is very domineering and teaches him that all women are evil. After she dies, he misses her, and a year later digs her up and takes her home. He learns about taxidermy and begins robbing graves to get materials to patch her up, and inevitably begins looking for fresher sources of materials. Based loosely on the true story of Ed Gein.Don't Go in the House...
1979-11-01As a child, Donald was tormented by his mother who used fire as a punishment. Now a deranged adult, Donald stalks women at clubs, then takes them home where he kills them with a flamethrower.My Bloody Valentine
1981-02-11Twenty years after a Valentine's Day tragedy claimed the lives of five miners, Harry Warden returns for a vengeful massacre among teen sweethearts gearing up for another party.Popcorn
1991-02-01While holding a horror film festival, a group of film students find themselves stalked by a madman who may have a sinister connection to a cult leader.